you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
