i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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