Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
