If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
