yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
