What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
