By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
