Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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