A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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