so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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