do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
