I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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