Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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