Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
