He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
