apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
