You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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