her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
