im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
