direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
