The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
