So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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