I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
