you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
