420 ftw
My hand turned me down
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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