its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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