I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
