talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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