I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
