i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
