Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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