i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
