when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
