Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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