and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
