I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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