All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
