Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
