My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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