He asked to "fluff my boner.."
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This toilet bowl is my home.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
