Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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