sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
