false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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