haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
