he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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