I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
