Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
