I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
