My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
