um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
