What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Terrible idea I love it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
