remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
