I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
