Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
