I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
