Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
